FT and I broke up. It was rather unexpected. We had a wonderful month together, I’d been back for a couple of weeks, I started to see a new guy and it made FT jealous. I thought it was just a normal bout of jealousy, the kind that happens in all poly relationships every once and awhile, but it wasn’t. He gave me an ultimatum – new guy or him. A very tearful discussion led to me deciding to part ways. I love FT. I always will. However, it was uncertain whether we would be able to live in the same country even in a year’s time, and the situation just made me feel trapped. FT realized that he couldn’t bear being there (not literally, but figuratively) with me while I’m with another male sub and I wasn’t prepared to not be able to see any other male subs. I haven’t really wanted to sub to anyone since I was 19 (so male doms are kind of out) and it’s really hard to meet a woman who is compatible with me and poly, particularly in this city.
So I’m bummed. I didn’t want this relationship to end. However, I think it’s probably the best thing for us at the moment; even for him. He keeps giving up everything to be with me a month at a time, and while I really appreciate that and it’s incredibly romantic, he needs to do what’s best for him too. However, I’m still applying to life opportunities near him, and if our paths cross I’m open to being reunited. We had a really good thing and I miss him terribly already. Long distance sucks.
I’m not sure what will happen in this space in the next few months. I want to keep blogging, but he has always been an integral part of this. Deeply Deviant is going to turn into a more traditional, not so many of my pictures, tumblr. I’m planning on continuing this blog with more theoretical issues addressed and less personal anecdotes for the time being. Currently there is a series of interviews on religion and kink that I’ve been working on with Dishevelled Domina that will soon come to fruition.