Sad news

FT and I broke up. It was rather unexpected. We had a wonderful month together, I’d been back for a couple of weeks, I started to see a new guy and it made FT jealous. I thought it was just a normal bout of jealousy, the kind that happens in all poly relationships every once and awhile, but it wasn’t. He gave me an ultimatum – new guy or him. A very tearful discussion led to me deciding to part ways. I love FT. I always will. However, it was uncertain whether we would be able to live in the same country even in a year’s time, and the situation just made me feel trapped. FT realized that he couldn’t bear being there (not literally, but figuratively) with me while I’m with another male sub and I wasn’t prepared to not be able to see any other male subs. I haven’t really wanted to sub to anyone since I was 19 (so male doms are kind of out) and it’s really hard to meet a woman who is compatible with me and poly, particularly in this city.

So I’m bummed. I didn’t want this relationship to end. However, I think it’s probably the best thing for us at the moment; even for him. He keeps giving up everything to be with me a month at a time, and while I really appreciate that and it’s incredibly romantic, he needs to do what’s best for him too. However, I’m still applying to life opportunities near him, and if our paths cross I’m open to being reunited. We had a really good thing and I miss him terribly already. Long distance sucks.

I’m not sure what will happen in this space in the next few months.  I want to keep blogging, but he has always been an integral part of this. Deeply Deviant is going to turn into a more traditional, not so many of my pictures, tumblr. I’m planning on continuing this blog with more theoretical issues addressed and less personal anecdotes for the time being. Currently there is a series of interviews on religion and kink that I’ve been working on with Dishevelled Domina that will soon come to fruition.

Posted on August 8, 2011, in D/s Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. dishevelleddomina

    I’m so sorry.
    Endings suck.

    I am glad you plan to keep blogging though, and I am looking forward to publishing that series when we get it done.

  2. I’m also sad to hear this. A hard thing for all involved. I hope every one of you makes it well through the painful time, towards whatever may work better in the future.

    The open ended situation you’ve been in with FT, apart and not knowing when you might be together again physically in the long term, must be a severe strain for any relationship.

    I’ve done the “temporarily physically far apart, but together” thing several times in my (monogamous) relationship in the past, but it was probably easier on us as it was temporary, with the joint goal of being physically together again in the foreseeable future.

  3. I’ve very sad to hear this. Here’s hoping every can go easy on themselves and still have a happily ever after…even if it is apart.

  4. You have my sympathies, if you want them, as well.

    Re-reading my own archives, I can see the transition from “personal [sex] anecdotes” to “theoretical issues” as well. Unsurprisingly, the transition was aided by my own end-of-relationship woes.

    I hope you keep blogging. Your voice has been invaluable. I personally appreciate it more than I can express in a comment. I don’t know where you are, but if you should find yourself near me, or track my presence near you, know you’ve got a standing offer to let me buy you a drink (alcoholic or otherwise, your choice).

    • Thank you for this. You’ve been inspirational to me. You are a thorn in the side of mainstream BDSM culture, and you don’t back down. I admire that.

      I will definitely take you up on that offer if I’m ever in your neck of the woods. However, it could be awhile. I have thought about moving to San Fran though, and might do so at some point.

      • I have thought about moving to San Fran though, and might do so at some point.

        Well, I’ve thought about leaving San Francisco, and might do that sooner rather than later. But you know where to find me online, in any event, and can track me from there. 🙂

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