The issue of males being feminized has come up in many a blog, so I’m going to put my two cents on the matter out there. Being feminine should not be humiliating. Women are beautiful and men ‘looking more like them’ should not be a shameful experience. Unfortunately, because of the way our society currently responds to ‘femininity’ in males, most men do feel humiliated when wearing women’s clothing whether they should or not. The word sissification squigs me out. It has a definite sissy-boy on the playground being made fun of feel to it that I really dislike. Similarly, when a sub comes to me wanting to be my sissy slut my first reaction is to run. Bitchy Jones has expressed the opinion that it’s offensive that so many elements of femdom include associating femininity with submission. On the one hand, I completely agree with this argument. She uses this as an argument against the feminization of submissive men, however, and with that I do not agree.

To me there’s a difference between feminizing a man because you want them to feel degraded and feminizing a man because you think females and femininity are hot. I like men and women and everything in between. I feel pictures will help illustrate this point.

I like everything from Heath Ledger (though that is the most masculine I will go; I don’t like massive muscles):

To the curves of Scarlett Johansson:

So to me, when you start including elements of both, it just makes it hotter, or at the very least as hot. Take the obvious example of Kate Moenning as Shane on the L Word:

To this guy. Who, you might notice doesn’t really look like a ‘sissy’ at all, but rather just looks damn hot.

However, that doesn’t mean that a man in full drag can’t also arouse me. Take, for example, the lovely Cillian Murphy who looks hot as a man or a woman:

And then of course ladies in ‘men’s clothing’ is always hot:

Ellen Page

Ingrid Bergman
Marlene Dietrich

What I’m saying is, the ‘masculinization’ of women is just as hot as the ‘feminization’ of men. The concepts of masculine and feminine are rather obnoxious to me, but if they’re going to exist we might as well play with them, have fun with them, explore how they can bring pleasure instead of just being burdensome and irritating. But I do agree that femininity and submission should not be made equivalent and that feminization should not be used as something degrading, humiliating, and embarassing. I only dress my sub in articles of clothing he looks good in; that make him more beautiful rather than less. He has a rather masculine face, so I would never dress him in full drag. However, he has lovely legs, so I like putting him in stockings and a garter belt. I also find beauty in his curves:

Feminization, for me, does not serve as a tool to make my love an object of ridicule, but rather even more an object of my desire. Does it make him a little uncomfortable to wear stockings, etc.? Sure. But eventually he might grow out of this as he sees how aroused I am by him plus some added femininity, and at that point I’ll still be just as aroused by it. Humiliation’s not the point for me. It’s just one way of adorning my fuck toy in a way that makes me desire him all the more. I do this with ‘manly’ things too. I also like him in rolled up shirt sleeves and braces. And I enjoy wearing rolled up shirt sleeves and braces. I guess to me gender is something we put on. I’d like fucking him in drag and being his gay lover. I enjoy fucking him as a woman. And I enjoy fucking him when he’s a bit womanly. In all of these situations I would be the dominant. Gender has fuck all to do with dominance to me. Really, these are two separate fetishes of mine that converge in the fact that I have a primary partner with whom I like to explore all of my fetishes simultaneously.

Genderfuckery is becoming more common, and that’s cool. I wish men could walk around in skirts, still being themselves and not be made to think there was anything wrong with that. Women have long been able to wear trousers and still be thought of as perfectly feminine. So why shouldn’t men be able to wear whatever article of clothing they like and still be masculine (see trenchcoat and stockings above)?

Posted on January 24, 2011, in goddess, sissification, submissive. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Wow, we have very similar tastes. Completely agree with you on this issue. Hopefully we’ll get to a point where most people understand that feminine =/= submsissive and vice versa and everyone can explore their sexualities/genders without worrying so much about these things.

  2. dishevelleddomina

    I’ve read this post twice now.
    I am not personally turned on by cross-dressing, and I am offended by the “forced feminization” humiliation deal because of the underlying sexism so I’ve never really seen anyone play with this kink in way that didn’t hit that button (sexism) for me.
    I respect people’s right to play in whatever manner turns them on, but with regards to cross-dressing I’ve usually felt there were off-putting underlying attitudes.
    It is nice to read a different take on it.
    There are so many pictures on Tumblr of cross-dressing that are humiliation based rather than from the point of view you share here. I still don’t find cross dressing a turn on, but at least I can see how it fits into a kink that isn’t predicated on sexism.

  3. This is great.

    I love getting all made up in ways that flatter me (this is why I go to goth clubs even though I don’t like goth music — it’s fun to play dress-up!) and I like the idea of borrowing certain elements of the feminine ‘look’ and discarding others that wouldn’t suit me. I kind of want to shop for a knee-length pleated skirt, but I’d really want to do this FOR someone.

  4. Nice piece :). I’d just like to clarify a few things regarding the concern that “femininity and submission should not be made equivalent“. While I completely agree with that statement in general, I don’t think it actually has much relevance here, because femininity and submission are not equivalent in this context:

    1. Femininity is not inherently a submissive position. Even without cross-gender play (male-to-female in this case), the familiar trope of high femme domme vs. masculine male slave makes that clear.

    2. Forced feminization isn’t generally about submission at all. It’s about being ‘forced’ to feel something you crave/need without the associated cultural baggage (e.g. guilt and rejection) which result from enforced social gender roles; i.e. because men are not allowed to be feminine in western culture.

    3. Where femininity is used as part of submissive role play, it’s not generally because femininity itself is regarded as submissive. Rather it’s because it either denies the submissive’s own identity (if masculine) and thus makes him feel more powerless; or is there for its own sake, i.e. because of an inner femininity that needs to be expressed (see point #2 again). Very interestingly, you’ve highlighted another reason; i.e. it can also be because a man’s sexual partner wants it and he’s just being obliging.

    Most importantly, male submission combined with femininity does not in itself reinforce sexist notions. In the realm of sexual fantasy and play, things shouldn’t and can’t be taken at face value; i.e. what they mean can’t be straightforwardly deduced.

  5. Gender fluidity always seemed to be something that was easy to accept… but now I’m looking at it from the inside and it is much more complex and in some ways painful. Thank you for your post.

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