The State of Submissive Men
I’ve enjoyed the writings of Bitchy Jones, and was honestly inspired to start my own blog because of her. Femdom is indeed fucked up and unless we talk about that and start to make an alternative known to women, it’s going to stay that way. One of the biggest problems is the disconnect between our fantasies and the submissive men one tends to meet upon first getting involved in the scene, particularly online. Once a woman sets up a profile as a dominant on the kinky website of her choice she will soon start to receive emails/memos from men who automatically offer their servitude. Note to submissive men: that’s just not hot. If a man will prostrate himself under any woman he’s not really serving the woman herself, but his idea of the woman; his fantasy woman. I’m a real woman. I have flaws. That’s part of my beauty, and I don’t want it to be subsumed under your wank fantasy goddess.
Furthermore, such men often come with a laundry list of fantasies that they’re into and want you to be into too. “I would love to be humiliated and kept in a chastity device at all times”. Well that’s not what I want, as I’ve already elaborated. That isn’t to say that as part of a mutually beneficial relationship a couple (or threesome or foursome or whatever) won’t talk about likes and dislikes and such, but to have it in an introductory email just comes off as a guy looking for his wet dreams to be fulfilled.
The sexiest submissive men are the ones who approach a woman first as a person and then as a submissive. Why the fuck would someone want to submit to me when they don’t even know me? I could be some crazy sociopath who wants to eat their spleen for all they know. If a submissive man wants a woman who is exactly like his fantasy image of a dominant female and will fulfill all his kinks whenever he wants, he should go to a pro. If he wants a relationship with a real woman that includes submission he needs to actually acquaint himself with that woman before offering his devotion.
Now, not all sub guys are like this, but I think that this is the reason a lot of female dominants get turned off when they first start exploring. They start to suspect they’re interested in beating the crap out of guys, or humiliating them, or using them as sex toys and whatnot, but then they encounter these wormy men and it’s just not hot. It’s no fun to have a guy on his knees if he wasn’t standing tall in the first place.
My submissive submits me and only me. He hates it when we go to femdom parties and other women assume that because he enjoys the submissive role he’s everyone’s property, and I do too. He was actually mostly dominant before being with me, which I find rather hot. I enjoy conquering him. This won’t be the case for all women, but I’m pretty sure that there would be more female dominants if they were viewed as individuals instead of sex objects. The submissive is supposed to be the sex object, not the dominant. I affectionately call mine fuck toy. He’s genuinely aroused by my arousal rather than having his own agenda for the list of kinks he would like me to have. However, I have plenty, so his are likely to be fulfilled in any case. And we do have conversations about what works for him and what doesn’t. But it’s more about accomplishing my desired effect. Is this action humiliating him, making him feel loved, viewed as punishment by him, a reward?
In a consensual relationship (which it should always be) of course the submissive’s wants and needs are going to come into play, but ideally they are wrapped up in what the dominant wants.